Lost in a sea of unpredicted emotions and events, I found my purpose. The future seemed covered in a fog of uncertainty and I had lost all confidence in myself. My journey in school has been filled with unexpected turns and unlikely situations. As difficult as the journey has been, I have never been more proud of myself  then I have felt these past two years. As intense and as hurtful this past year has been for many of us, I had the privilege to be able to discover many things about myself during this time. 

To think that I had to decide my future at the ripe age of 18, sounds terrifying. I can’t quite comprehend how, so many of us are expected to decide our future all while still living in our parents’ houses. When it came time to visit schools, I was lucky enough to be in my school’s Liberty Partnership Program(LPP) which gave low-income students an opportunity to tour some schools upstate. Cornell was one of the schools that we visited and as the cliche goes, it felt like coming home. I had never felt that, it felt safe and comfortable. Everyone was so kind, the foliage was breathtaking, the atmosphere felt inviting, it seemed “picture perfect”. I decided then and there that I was going to go to Cornell, unfortunately I never even applied. Low self-esteem, crippling anxiety and depression took hold of my life and I lost all confidence in myself, which led to me not to apply. 

As it happens for many of us, my home town became idle. It no longer suited me, my passions, or my dreams. This drove me to the decision of going to the furthest school possible, The University at Albany. I didn’t choose Albany solely for it being far from home but, they had a highly acclaimed business program. I’ve never had a clear vision on what I wanted to study and because of that, I figured my best option was business and communications. Unfortunately, Albany didn’t suit me. Although, I did learn some very valuable lessons there like being independent, being able to take care of myself, and how to let go of ego. 

I thought that my problem was distance. I said to myself, “ If I move closer to home, It will be easier to adjust”. So, that is what I did. I decided The City College Of New York (CCNY) was my best choice given the fact that they had a highly acclaimed Advertising and Public Relations program. At this point I still didn’t know what I wanted to study, I just chose what would fit me and my interest best at the moment. Since I’ve always had an interest in books,  and I had never considered becoming a writer I decided that the next best thing is to go into publishing / marketing. Perhaps  it was because I didn’t believe in my ability to become a writer or I thought it was too challenging, whatever the case was, I knew I needed to leave.  

New york city, the city of dreams, broken or otherwise. I whole-heartedly believed that CCNY would help me find my passion, in a way it has.  CCNY has taught me about the real world. It taught me to be an adult, to stand up for myself, but most importantly, it taught me that it is okay to ask for help. Being quarantined, while being lucky enough to be comfortable at home,  and taking online classes at CCNY opened my eyes to what was right in front of me. 

As tumultuous as my education journey has been, I wouldn’t trade it for anything easier. Being in two different environments, both academically and socially, has proven to me that I can thrive in spite of where I am. However, going to Cornell would give me the balance that I crave. Cornell offers me the openness of Albany, with the culture of CCNY. A place where I could work on developing myself as a writer. 

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